Warty's Song


david coyote
September 7, 2005
Warty Lahoof, 'Warty's Song' (c) 2004 David Coyote
"I may take up playing the clarinet."


It's easy to be humble
when perfect in every way.
Sure, I look in the mirror
almost first thing every day.
To know me is to love me
though I’m not your pet lap dog.
I am dashing, debonair,
the world’s most handsome Warthog!

It's easy to be humble
as I go about my day.
When you are perfect like me
I always know what to say.
People love and adore me,
the people flock to my door.
It’s just natural I suppose
to want to be with me more.

They’re all those love-starved women
they all clamor at my feet.
I never discourage them
though they all seem to compete
for my smiles and affection,
it’s just natural I suppose.
They find me irresistible,
perhaps it’s my nose.

Men, they are in awe of me,
but why on earth should I care?
Most of them are now balding
while I have luxurious hair.
My long mane is the fullest
of all mammals on earth,
and my tusks are quite marvelous,
they add to my worth!

I’m never lonesome, you see.
How could I ever get bored,
with me for company?
So try to follow my footsteps,
do your best not to stumble
‘cause it’s next to impossible,
you’ll never be as humble
as someone like me.

If you were really like me
I know just what you’d say.
“Look at me! Can’t you see?
I’m perfect in every way!”
To know me is to love me
I am one hell of a hog!
It's not hard to be humble
when you’re the wheel not the cog!

You could say I'm a loner,
that I’m tough an’ a bit proud.
Even with folks gathered around me
I stand out from the crowd.
Some say I'm egotistical.
Bet they don't know what it means.
My guess it has something to do
with the way that I fill out my jeans.

So you see that I’m humble
though perfect in every way,
and don’t need a mirror to know
I get better looking each day.
To know me is to love me,
don’t hold back your praise.
I know that you’ll love me
the rest of your days.


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