Warty - Part Five

Life With The Princess


david coyote
March 26, 2000
Warty Lahoof, Life With The Princess (c) 2004 David Coyote

" . . . a long quiet nap."


Biographer's Note: Now here's the part that should strike my funny bone, but at times tests my metal. It's one thing to know that I have the most wonderful mate in the world, but to hear the Supreme And Magnificent One putting his spin on her loving kindness is enough to make me consider dropping his biography entirely. Oh well, lend me your support as Warty continues his 'exciting adventure'

* * *

Tucked in bed daily by my new benefactress, I was pampered in the most pleasant but well deserved fashion. Always keeping my health and happiness in mind, she quickly set out to stock the house with some of my favorite snacks. And what was expected in return? Naturally, nothing. The lovely and wise lady understood my sensitive nature and made sure I had unrestricted access to my every need. I think.
The princess left home each morning not much after daybreak to accomplish 'what' I wasn't told. The other guy kept to himself in an adjoining room for the most part, talking incessantly to whom I'm not sure. Seldom did I hear the sound of other voices and I soon supposed he might be just a bit strange in the head.
Of course I made sure to get plenty of nourishment to keep myself fit, and began watching this thing they referred to as TV. There were occasional programs about my home-land but once again narrators usually got the wrong information and when mentioning our kind, never gave me much praise. The food channel was interesting but didn't cover such delicacies as grubs so I did what they referred to as "channel surfing". Sports? An example. Human males in tight-fitting costumes try to move a small brown object from one end of a large green white striped field to the other. Thrown and kicked, males attempt to crush the one holding the thing. Go figure. Spectators become maddened, and overall, the barbaric spectacle seems mindlessly antagonistic, proving once more that people are basically uncivilized and dangerous. And Jerry Springer? What can I say? I was stunned by the behavior I witnessed! Where on earth do these people come from?
Anyway, by the time the Princess returned home at night, she was always eager to discuss how I'd spent my day. She would tell me about what they call a 'commute', convincing me that many people are worse than rude. I cautioned her to beware of what they called automobiles, for a dozen or more had nearly killed me while I was trying to find the Wild Animal Park. She'd relax with a glass of chilled white wine and listen to my daily adventures, entirely enthralled by my knack of telling a good story. At bed-time, she'd tuck me in and let me sleep next to her in that big warm bed. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. What well deserved attention.
When she left on weekends, to do what, I never quite understood, I had the run of the house. Nothing like a good bowl of caramel and praline ice-cream after a long quiet nap. Sometimes I was a bit lonely. Nuba, understanding the necessity of rest, slept most of the day. Perhaps fearing I might drown in the pond, Princess didn't allow me to go unattended into the front yard. Oh well, fish aren't noted for being conversationalists or good listeners, so I didn't really miss their company. They seem a strange and unfathomable lot, spending all their time under water holding their breath.
Is it that time already? How it flies when listeners are gathered at my feet. Time for dinner and a well deserved rest. I again mention here, that though I may at times appear to have overslept, I won't really abandon my dear new readers. (And by the way, I just hate it when that "other guy" distracts me with things only he deems important. The indignities I have to contend with! I suppose I should overlook most of these distractions - - after all, he is writing my important biography.)


Next Chapter
Fan Mail Most Welcome! Email the STAR!
Home, Main Menu, Main Index
Warty Series Index
last update 17.12.2012