I watch her; that ugly green top and long black skirt that hides almost all of her legs. She doesn't look at me once. She looks down the tracks into the dark mouth of the tunnel.
The noise hurts my head. It always does. Even though I can’t hear a train, the subway echo is deafening. Fluorescent lights make my eyes ache. Now I hear the train. We’re alone. She’s standing close to the edge of the platform. She sways. My hands are sweating like the last time, and it’s difficult to breathe…my head aches. Just a few moments more and the train will be here. Just a few seconds…I could do it again…no one would know.
“She just lost her balance.” That’s what I’d say. “She lost her balance.”
There’s a sudden wind as the cars rush past. The train comes to a metallic squealing stop. Automatic doors open to an almost empty car. I walk past where she’s sitting and take a seat far at the back. The doors close. The train accelerates into a black tunnel.
I try, but I can't remember if I took my meds.

* * *