I heard voices calling me across windblown Pacific waves... . "Warty...we're waiting...the spirits of Hawai`i call you to their shores. Hurry! Board your swift ocean canoe...set sail. Our alohas await your royal presence."
I have excellent hearing.

Warty

Some of you may find this hard to believe but I envisioned these shores...the palms and balmy skies...and knew I must follow their call. After discussing this with the Princess, we booked a flight to the Big Island, the largest of the seven main Hawai`ian islands. I suppose that's why they call it the Big Island. Oh...yes, by the way...we took the other guy along to record historic events as they unfolded. Hawai`i awaited. I heeded her call.
California weather was cold and blustery when the plane left the coast behind. Five hours and a silly in-flight movie later we landed on what I can only describe as my deserved place in the sun. Actually, it had been sprinkling and was quite windy, but we rented a car and pleasant smiling people soon had our bags in our room. I was most pleased that the hotel had anticipated my needs and reserved a room befitting my reputation and expectations. Adorning me with fragrant plumeria leis, the darling girls quickly made my heart flutter. (I didn't, so don't you mention that to the Princess!)

The spectacular view from our room matched my earlier visions. Some, such as I, are endowed with prescient senses. (It's understandable that others are impressed ) Anyway, we strolled through tropical gardens and spent the late afternoon nibbling delicious tropical fruits. I must say that the folks kept the place just so. Look at these colorful gardens.

The next morning we dined on the resort's lanai, and I must tell you they put out a spread! I was tempted to eat more than one should, but naturally ate only until I was full! (Smile. That's humor.) I'll never know why, but the Princess took this picture of the other guy when he wasn't looking. I made him sit at a nearby table so he wouldn't dominate breakfast conversation. (Petulant human. How he does go on when he has a chance!)

Anyway, I suppose I need not criticize. It's a matter of genes, is it not?. He can only do what nature allows. But back to the reason for the news. Me. The Princess and I went down to the beach and had the nice people set up a cabana for us. What wonderful inventions...two chaise lounges under a folding blue canvas canopy...a prefect way to avoid getting too much sun. One might never guess, but we have rather sensitive skin on our noses. I didn't want mine burned. And that's my room...5th floor, far left.

Will you just look at that white coral sand. We napped and snacked and napped some more. I could get good at that without much practice. They not only had cabanas, they had hammocks. I did try out one but the design was seriously flawed. It took me five minutes to get out of this mess!

It wasn't long before I was 'discovered' by some authentic Hawai`ians who instantly recognized my Alii genes. They followed at a respectful distance (not allowing their shadows to fall upon me) while regaling me with tales of ancesteral adventures. You know, it's a good thing that I'm used to being adored. Whenever I stopped to gaze out to sea, they sat and silently waited for my insightful observations. Of which I had many.

"Do not doubt it!" they said. "We're sure that you're the awaited one...the one all the world will know as the Alii Hog!"
Of course I knew at once they were right.
Be patient. More to follow. And, always your humble servant,

Warty...the Alii Hog