(Biographer's note: Please do you best to stay awake while browsing His Most Wonderfullness' recollections. He hates the sound of others snoring. The Supreme and Magnificent One thinks you've all been holding your breath waiting for his next chapter, so please don't upset his delusions.)
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Late one afternoon, and may I say, nearly at wits end with pop-star Pandas, I found myself eye to eye with a man I'd never seen, a rather graying gentleman (I usually refer to him in that manner, and you'll soon see why) took me from the shelf and placed me next to a vision that made my heart go nearly wild! The lovely lady took one look at me and I knew at once I'd been freed from undeserved bondage! The look in her blue eyes made me nearly weak with feelings I'd never felt, reduced my usually articulate tongue to a lump of meat. Imagine that! A Warthog with nothing to say.
Though I am perfectly able to get about on my own, the couple carted me around for the next few hours as though I was little more than a sack of potatoes! Not that I minded it much when I found myself in 'her' arms. I must say that both were quick to speak up when questioned regarding their decision to adopt one such as I. Thankfully, word had gotten out that Warthogs are the true kings of all beasts, and my saviors were quite fast to say as much. Off to a home even lovelier than the park, or even my place of birth! Well! And as it should be!
Oh, about the gray-haired man I referred to earlier? For some inexplicable reason, my Princess of Pleasure had some arrangement with the aging fellow and I found myself having to share much of my space with that other guy. Perhaps she felt pangs of sympathy for him much like she might have first felt for me, and extended some regal kindness to the poor old man. As I said, he seemed to be a gentleman for the most part, and after all, he was the one who introduced me to my angel of deliverance. Whatever the reason, it soon became clear that I would have to indulge and endure his tedious verbiage from time to time.
It seems the mistress of my destiny had acquired some deep understanding of my true nature even before setting eyes on my elegant figure. She was not only attentive to my every need, she promised to provide all of the comforts of palatial life. I must admit that I'd never had coffee before, but generous to a fault, she even shared hers with me, letting me drink from her personal cup. That should banish forever all doubt from reader's minds as to my effect on those who's minds are open.
Befittingly, I was chauffeured to their home in a quaint part of the county, a place overgrown with jungle-like foliage. They seemed to enjoy the finer things in life and shared their space with other creatures of the wild. There, I met Nuba, a Royal Python from sub-Saharan Africa, a quiet creature who lived in her own custom made home within the main house, a deaf snake who made no demands on my time. There were pretty fish in a large fenced-in pond in front of the home and a waterfall to sooth the savage beast. Truly, I'd found my home at last!
Now, to those loyal followers of mine, and I'm sure you all know who you are, (although I don't understand why more have not joined your swelling ranks) I am again in need of sustenance and must attend to other personal toiletries that insure my good health and vitality. Don't think I've abandoned you just because I tend to sometimes 'nap' longer than intended. Believe me when I say, you have every right to be found hanging on my every word. Put aside all trepidations regarding my occasional absences. Trust in me - - I shan't abandon you in your peaked hour of ongoing curiosity!