The truth, exposed! The night the bear arrived. The author can only suppose that finding himself sharing the Princess' attentions with another only adds to Warty's discontent.
Author's note: The Supreme And Magnificent One has been sulking a bit since my return and rebuff of his scandalous abuse of this site. Only adding to the mood has been his reluctance to dictate the entire chapter regarding the arrival of Teddy, the orphaned bear. I can only suppose that finding himself sharing the Princess' attentions with another only adds to his discontent. Let's see what his Magnificence has to say.
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It appears I must provide some introductory comments about what will be the body of this recollection. I'm not one to look down upon others, nor am I the kind to deny the dispensation of kindness to those deserving creatures in need. I trust I won't be judged too harshly by readers who might misunderstand my reserve, or the fact that I've only recently suffered almost unmentionable dangers to arrive at my present position in life and am sensitive to unannounced changes.
Well - you can perhaps imagine my surprise and, I even add 'shock', when the Princess arrived home late one evening with a bear under her arm! A bear? Not only was I stunned, I was - imagine me, speechless! A bear? I was to be replaced by a stuffed bear? My Princess had a bear in her arms! Hmmmm! A small bear, but nevertheless, a bear.
"Warty," she said, (she always addresses me in that manner) "this is Teddy, a poor little homeless bear who I couldn't bear to leave homeless." (She is always direct, but sometimes a bit simple in expressing herself.)
It was almost dismal, having to listen to the entire story about how the bear was to have been sent far away to live with the Princess' distant relatives in the north, only to discover some little-known bureaucratic rules prevented him from crossing international borders. Had it been me, I would have, one way or another, made my way to the furthest destination, government regulations or not! But then again, we're discussing a mere bear. Not a provocateur by nature, yet a bit displeased (if asked) but resigned, I made up my mind not to be small at heart and busied myself in preparation for an extended nap.
The Princess, as it seems is her way, spent the next day or two fussing foolishly over the bear, making sure he had a pillow upon which to rest his head (too close to me, if you asked) and promising to purchase some clothing to help keep the creature warm (and I suppose modestly covered). Had she made any such promises to me? I do remember mention of some silver Speedos and some black dancing boots, but to date, neither have manifest. (These thoughts have not improved my mood.)
I'm sure all of you are wondering, but you needn't ask. The bear was quiet and kept mainly to himself, much to my relief, for nothing is so distracting when napping as a talkative uninteresting neighbor. Yet, after meals, I discovered that the bear was actually acquiescent, a bit of a shnook, always hurrying to tidy-up the kitchen and take out the empty pizza boxes when I was done eating, at least when the Princess and the other guy were away. When at home, the humans seemed to take all these tasks in stride and never expected assistance from us. As it should be, I suppose. I only phone for pizza deliveries when they're gone. The bear always had things spick and span by the time our hosts returned.
So I suppose that it easily became possible for me to accept the bear as a neighbor - under the circumstances - and because of his tractable personality. A little glasnost goes a long way. Teddy. Well - I found the name to slide from my tongue with little effort, especially when instructing him regarding chores or changing CDs when I tired of them. Unlike moi, ab initio, he had little talent for the arts, and I had even less interest in teaching a bear how to dance! His voice was not unpleasant, and on occasion, I actually heard him singing while he was cleaning the toilet. It appears that bears are easily entertained.
As the days slipped past, I actually found myself growing a bit fond of Teddy. I know, you're surprised, but as I've always contended, I'm a true tovarishch at heart, one who doesn't kvetch. Example. Even when the Princess came back from a trip with pants, sweater and jacket for Teddy and nothing for me, did I make a tsimes? Of course not. Why make a big deal over little things, I always say, yet I sometimes find myself wishing I had a fine super-hero cape or those silver Speedos. Oh well.
Did I happen to mention that the other guy gave me a silver ear-ring? No? Sterling silver, actually. And he pierced my ear so I might fancy myself as a pirate or Gypsy, scarf about my neck, plying the bounding main in search of worldly treasures. You know, I would have made quite a debonair figure as a pirate - swashbuckling the boards, making rogues walk the plank! Ah harrrrr! Avast, maties! Man the mizzen - reef the main-sails! Hoist anchor and let's be away along the wild windswept coast of Madagascar to plunder and pillage the king's ships! (I suppose I should read-up a little about this so I don't make mistakes when using vernacular. Now where did that little hand-mirror disappear to? I want to see this ear-ring again. Great gods! I DO cut a dashing figure!)
Oh, yes - Teddy. I nearly forgot about my little aficionado. This chapter was supposedly about him, and I dare say I've strayed from the subject. Just bear with me and I'll continue. Get it? Bear with me? I do make myself laugh! And I can't believe how few have a sense of humor such as mine! Where do they come from? Jerry Springer rejects? Funny? I am such a card! Ahhhhhh, well, maybe it's time for my afternoon nap. Teddy! Fluff-up my pillow and I'll rest until the pizza gets here and you have my 'plat du jour' ready - and don't forget to close the front door behind the delivery boy this time. Last week you let the flies in! (It is so hard to teach some how to do things!)
But now, adieu, mes amis! Until we meet again. Make sure to keep your eyes open for those sloppy mistakes made by this shlemiel coyote of an author. Let me know and I'll make him wish he paid closer attention to one such as I.
(And perhaps I'll even have him write about my experience with 'the dog'. I have a thousand things that would keep you hanging on my every word. But one must eat and nap.)